There are so many lists I want to be on. Honestly, this time of year, it’s sort of important to be on the right list, if you know what I mean.
With Christmas just around the corner, I want to be on the Nice List… I’m usually on that list, but sometimes it takes a little more effort than what I’d like to admit, being the youngest and having a natural talent for all manner of mischief. I have to say, though, being the youngest I’m an easy scapegoat. Sometimes I ended up on the Naughty List by faulty circumstantial evidence. Like the time my late Uncle Al caught me looking at Grandma’s frog garden. Oh, man, he was angry!
I was terrified of that man. He was big and was always growling about something. It wasn’t much later – at his funeral, in fact – that I learned that it had been my cousin, Kent, who kept throwing Grandma’s frogs down the well… You see, I was nice, but by circumstance, I was a suspect.
Finalist lists are always exciting to be on, too. But you do have to pay attention, because sometimes, you actually win! When my talented author friend, Lisa Souza, called me up one afternoon to congratulate me on winning a literary award, I laughed. You see, I hadn’t expected it – and really, heard what she said. The conversation went something like this:
Lisa: “Hey, girlfriend, congratulations on the win!”
Me: “Oh, thanks. I’m in Seattle now with the fam. When are we getting together?”
Lisa: “Tomorrow, remember?”
Me: “Oh yeah! See ya’ soon. Bye.”
Five minutes later, I call her back….
Me: “What did you say?”
Lisa: “You WON a literary award. Got the email about it today. Gah, I knew you weren’t listening!”
Guest Lists are nice to be on as well. The first thing anyone who knows me might guess, is I’m a total introvert. Yeah, I know. Doesn’t seem like it, right? That’s because I’ve worked on my social skills. Plus, I’m old enough to drink. So if my skills fail me, alcohol comes in handy. And if alcohol just ends up making me look like an absolute fool, there’s always Lorazepam.
Anyway, it’s important to handle anxiety so when those invitations come, you don’t freak out. When you freak out too often, your friends might mistake your behavior for lack of interest, or a “problem”. (Especially if you pass out in the hotel bathroom for hours and Security calls the Fire Department to break down the door in order to haul your toxic ass out of there. Hey – that never happened to me, I’m just saying…)
But the greatest list of all is Blondie and the Brit‘s BEST of List! I’m so proud that my episode on the show earned me the privilege of being mentioned here. It delights me! I had so much fun taping. I hope you enjoy it, too. Here it is – Episode 65, just for you!